It's a Small Reminder

Over the years, dentists smoothed and repaired my chipped front tooth. Nevertheless, after a year or so, a new filling falls out every time.



I ultimately decided to leave the tooth alone and let it serve me as a reminder of racism. It was racial tension that broke my tooth in the first place.

On the school bus in about sixth grade, another kid, a black boy, was in the seat in front of me. I don't remember the exchange, but it resulted in him pulling my head into the seat rail between us. Whatever was said, it shut me up with a mouthful of tooth dust.

I don't blame him now, though I probably did then. He had good reason to be angry, good reason to resent my clean-cut neatly-dressed example of white privilege. Kids, including me, on this school bus were indeed cruel.

Eenea, meenea, mina, mo,
Catch a [n-word] by the toe;
If he hollers let him go,
Eenee, Meenee. Mainee, Mo

The house where this boy lived was a shanty in comparison to mine. Nothing he had, in possession, education, health care, or looks offered him any kind of opportunity or afforded him any hope of fairness on this school bus or in life. Where we lived, it was almost entirely white. And no doubt, this boy would continue in life to be disrespected and distrusted in any job, in any place, anywhere. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out he’s in jail now, never having been able to get along in the society that judged and denigrated him so.

I don’t blame him. I know how impulsively I’ve acted out, even recently, when I felt disrespected. And, the reasons for my anger are always so trivial compared to the life of disparagement this man has suffered. No, now that I know a little better, and I know some words are never forgotten; I’ll remember this ongoing sin of mine, my racist tendencies, whenever I notice my chipped tooth.